It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
