She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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