my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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