I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
