ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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