woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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