I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
