I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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