Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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