he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
