WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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