Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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