"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
