You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
