her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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