he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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