Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
