Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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