Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
