at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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