I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
