Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
