we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
