OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
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you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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