Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
