He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
