i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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