I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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