Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
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I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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