I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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