we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
