TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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