did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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