How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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