I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
