Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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