Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
