Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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