we're blogging at a bar
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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