My cat gives me a boner
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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