my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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