i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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