why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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