Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
