put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
