Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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