i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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