i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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