She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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