Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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