New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
