We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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