i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
