This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
