i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
