i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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