Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
