i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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