I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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