just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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