Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
